"When in doubt." - Frederick Douglas

Had my moment tonight.

Went to the funeral viewing right after a long day of work and not so much sleep.

Got to the funeral home, went in, and saw a lot of family members and people I haven’t spoken to in 10 years. It all just felt so strange, being greeted by people you weren’t sure if you’d ever see again. I honestly didn’t know what to say.

Then I went up to the casket, where my Uncle Gary was, and that’s where I stood for the rest of the time in total silence, right there, in front of him. I didn’t say anything, didn’t move, just stood there and stared right at him. I didn’t realize how long I was standing there until my aunt, cousins, uncles, and mom all came up at different points asking if I was alright.

I was zoned out. It was just me and Gary. It was a conversation, a silent one, if that makes sense. I’ve never been to a funeral for someone that I’ve been that close to before, and not at an age where I could fully grasp what was going on. The only other time I’ve felt as empty and cold as I did standing there was for my old next door neighbor, Linda. But I definitely felt worse in this instance…

It’s just rough. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad he’s in a better place and all and I know I’m gonna be fine, but Gary was way more than just an uncle to me, he was like another big brother…

He inspired me a lot more than I could ever explain, always made me laugh, and always had extremely interesting and intelligent things to say. To say I will miss him isn’t even going to scratch the surface on how I feel about his departure…

I hate to sound too emotional, but just seeing him like that really got to me. I wouldn’t just say that, either, I could feel it. It’s not even just that I didn’t move at all, but almost like I couldn’t. I was totally frozen in that moment.

I never cry, it’s just something I never seem to do. Not entirely sure why, I just don’t. But in that moment? If there ever was a moment I would cry, it’d definitely have been then. I came quite close, standing there, many times.

I hate losing someone so close to me, as anyone would, but he went in peace…and all I can really do now is just remember the good things about him and the light he brought to my life and go about my own.

My uncle Gary was an amazing man, and as far as I’m concerned? He never left at all, not really.

Love always, Gary. Rest in peace. <3

you-me-rainbows:

starvedforjustice:

feministische:

whatpartofthegameisthis:

fattyforever:

imboundtopackitup:

In all my fatkini wearing, hooping, river rat glory. (Taken with Instagram at Russian River)

Fucking gorgeous.

a fisherman has thrown a hula hoop at the whale in an attempt to reel it in/subdue it and the beast is desperately contorting her rotund frame in an attempt to avoid capture.

that’s my theory on what’s happening here.

really? or you just searched a couple of fucking tags, thinking to yourself “oh this is going to be so funny, heh heh” waiting for the perfect post to be a douche bag on. you didnt see this picture and think “hey thats a whale” you saw this picture and though “how can i make this funny in a disgusting and offensive way?” you know why? because you arent actually fucking funny. if you were funny you wouldnt need to prey on others to make people accept you.

you know what i thought when i saw this picture? i thought “this is a nice picture and that girl is really good at bending.” because im not a fucking disgusting human being and i dont think being fat makes you ugly and i dont think fat is an insult, obviously im going to notice her impressive body movements before i decide to pretend shes a whale because apparently i know nothing about marine biology. what is ugly is dictating what is and what is not attractive on someone because of how much they fucking weight. thats not what makes someone ugly and a lot of the times its what makes someone beautiful, and it doesnt make you any better, any cooler, any more attractive to decide who is and who is not attractive depending on their weight.

^^

This girl is fucking gorgeous. How fucking dare you attempt to ruin such a wonderful picture and show of self confidence by being a prick. You’re excused from the big kids table. Go back to middle school where you’re funny to the other immature pricks.

Meanwhile, some frat kid is sitting in the dark giving himself actual, literal pats on the back for being such a master of comedy and master of teh offensive trolling. What a genius. *rolls eyes*

hey yo, dat’s mah niece, ya’ll…
chill out, nigga.

Parents just had a big cuddly cry together over the loss of my uncle. It really sucks seeing them so down…especially for my mom. Always gonna miss good ole’ uncle Gary…

I’ve gotta be strong for my parents, though. It’s never losing such a special person, and he was my uncle, but it’s definitely a lot harder for my mom than me. She needs me right now. So however long it takes, I’m gonna do whatever I can to cheer her up a bit at least. It’s not gonna be easy for her at all…she’s been crying just trying to go through old pictures of him…but at least she made peace with him before he went. I think that’s something that really eases her mind more than anything else.

I just hope she feels better soon, I hate seein’ my mom so upset and feeling like there’s nothing that can be done about it…

This place is old, it feels just like a beat-up truck. I’d turn the engine, but the engine doesn’t turn. Well it smells of cheap wine and cigarettes, sometimes I think I’d like to watch it burn.
I sit alone, I feel just like somebody else. Man, I ain’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same.
But somewhere here in between the city walls of dyin’ dreams I think of death it must be killin’ me.

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